In today’s Fiver: Concacaf whipping boys, Panama and Paul Merson in Wales
At the last World Cup, fans of USA! USA!! USA!!! came up with an earworm of a chant that quickly became the soundtrack to their team’s matches. “I … believe … that we will win!” they roared with relentless persistence, whether they were at the stadium or watching on a big screen, displaying the kind of cheery optimism that made $exually Repressed Morris Dancing Fiver feel very uncomfortable indeed. With his team managing all of six days before crashing out of the tournament, The Fiver’s English cousin was deeply unsettled by seeing another country actually get enjoyment out of watching their team. They were doing football wrong! They were a threat to the very concepts of bitterness and self-loathing, a menace that had to be stopped at all costs. Luckily Belgium stepped in just in time. It had been a close shave.